Thursday, September 13, 2012

The Kardashians

They have to be doing something right. They have millions!

After a long and quiet car ride my friend Matt bursts the silence with a passionate “Do you know what the fuck I was watching the other day?”  It was jarring and of course I didn’t know.

“Sorry, what? “

“I was watching TV, bro. I was with my nieces and I turned on The Kardashians.”

“So, what’s the problem?”

“The mother, the stupid bitch that raised the other ones, she gathered them all in the kitchen for god knows what.”

“The kitchen is where families get together.” – I say

“Not even two minutes into this show and she asks everybody in the kitchen if she has a camel toe!”

“Well did she!?”

“That’s not television dude! I don’t want the next generation of girls watching that stuff. No wonder they’re all shallow-minded idiots, gazing at their cell phones, lacking self esteem.”

What he was saying was making sense.  The Kardashians is an example of poor television mind slosh media people shovel to stupid Americans and cherished by teenage girls. They look up to these wealthy, beautiful women, and the producers force garbage into their brains. Just as the producers made girls feel like they should look and act like Marilynn Monroe fifty years ago. Which everybody now knows was a total slut. (Ask a girl why she has a poster of Marilynn on her wall and you’ll get one intelligent answer out of ten) It’s been going on since media was invented and I can hardly blame the Kardashians for the downfall of the female society. Women have had poor role models for years. Lets face it-- they got shafted.

The truth of the matter is that we need the Kardashians. As a chubby twenty-three year old nerd I don’t think I would have lost my virginity if it weren’t for the Kardashians, or the Real World, or degrading rap videos. Shows like this have been lowering the less intelligent female’s self esteem for years. They look up to stupidity, and because of that nerdy virgin’s have been getting laid for years. MTV has been the best wingman any of us have ever known, and we want them to take these shows off the air? Think about that for a minute-- fathers, brothers, uncles. Think about what you’re doing. Would you have the smart beautiful wife that gave birth to your children if it weren’t for the stepping stone females that laid the groundwork for your confidence?

I say leave it on the air. Let the ladies watch it. Every girl needs a hero. Why not Kim Kardashian?

But my daughter won’t. She’ll be reading J.K. Rowling and watching Hilary Rodman Clinton getting accepted into the Whitehouse. Good thing all parents don’t think like that or we wouldn’t have the Kardashians.

“Dude, that seems like a perfectly acceptable thing to ask. A: If I had a camel toe I would want to ask my family before I left the house so I don’t embarrass myself. B: I’d want to know if I had been unknowingly walking around with a camel toe all my life.”

“I guess you’re right. Still seems like shitty television.”

Oh it is. It’s the shittiest.

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