Monday, October 4, 2010

Clubs Suck.

Every time I get suckered into pursuing a night of "club hopping" or "Clubbing" I have a completely different idea of what it's going to be like. My imagination allows me to believe it's going to be about one hundred gorgeous females freak dancing all over the place while they circle around me break dancing my way into the middle of the dance floor. Then I turn off Step Up-2 "The Streets", throw away "Dirty Dancing", and realize I can't dance. Nor Do I want to.

And then.. I walk into the club..

Where's the hundreds of beautiful females? Yes, maybe there's one, POSSIBLY two. Most likely you are going to get a picture like the one above. You get that plus forty or fifty guys who just got done watching jersey shore and playing gay frat games that revolve around touching each others wieners. Does that sound fun to you? Have you ever played "bag the biggest bitch" in College? *Clears throat* Yeah.. Me neither..

Have you noticed that girls in clubs, parties, bars whom are shorter then 5/4 and wear heals shuffle walk? I am dubbing it the penguin because that's what they look like, especially when accompanied by a black dress. And no it's usually not attractive as it reminds me of a four-year-old..

Walking penguin.

Another growing problem in the clubs is the music. DJ's do not play T.V. On The Radio. In fact DJ's play every song I've heard on hip-hop/RnB radio in the past two months. What has been popular? Fucking Justin Beiber? No thanks.

And fuck, all DJ's suck. Club Disc Jockey's make their money by changing, mixing, and manipulating songs in a clever poppy way. Well it's ruining the integrity of the artists (although I do not know what integrity a group like Far East Movement can possible have left) , and they are butchering the songs. And they never FUCKING finish a song. Which is proof once again this generation has an ever growing problem of attention deficit disorder. (Refer to: "Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World"). That one time in the night he plays something I like, It gets fucked in the ass and cut off thirty seconds into it. Fuck you.

Far East Movement- Lyrics-
Poppin bottles in the ice, like a blizzard When we drink we do it right gettin slizzard Sippin sizzurp in my ride, in my ride, like Three 6 Now I'm feelin so fly like a G6

If you didn't guess "Fly like a G6" is the song name.

And for all of you normal people out there who don't know what the fuck any of those words mean, Urban Dictionary was invented.

Slizzard- A state of high intoxication from Alcohol.
(For when drunk is just way too complicated to say)

I'm going to go out on a limb here and assume Three-6 is referring to Three-6 Mafia, the rap group that first popularized the idea of drinking a syrup alcohol based drink that get's you slizzard as fuck.

Either way it's stupid. It's stupid and this song alone should be reason enough to never go to a club again.

And if that isn't a good enough reason, alcoholic beverages are priced at extraordinarily stupid rates. You're looking at seven to eight dollars for a beer, and ten or more dollars for a cocktail. So bring a flask, or don't drink at all. But who the fuck would go to a club and not get drunk? You need liquid confidence to have sex with the fat chicks that occupy most of the dance floor/smoking section.

But fat girls need love too?

I admit it, yes they do. But they don't need to be dancing. With/by/ or around me.

Going to the club is like being punched in the face by everything you hated about high school dances and then some.


This guy goes to clubs-


  1. So fucking true. I was discussing this with a friend the other day. "Clubbing" is such a disappointment. It needs to be reinvented.


  2. "DJs never finish a song" - in clubs, & ALL DJs mix songs together so the music is a continuous mix. Playing a song till the end, club would be quiet/awkward, then DJ plays next track is not suitable for a club atmosphere where ppl dance.

    DJs use complex mixers that change aspects of a song. Many DJs spent their free time editing songs to make mash ups or remixes. An audience gets more excited when they hear a song they know with a unique vibe to it. Editing songs is also a crucial task when taking a pop/rRnB/rock, etc song and edit it so it can mix well and be used in club atmosphere.

    If you want to listen to original songs from beginning to end.. Stay out of clubs and use an iPod.