Tuesday, August 24, 2010

I Hate Just About Everyone




People that I hate:

OK. I get it. Hate is a strong word. Fuck it, I don’t care. Life is too short to spend your time pretending you don’t hate people but merely dislike them. Seriously, I’m a pretty fun loving guy (although I hate the phrase “fun loving”). I’m a pretty good person at heart. I’m honest, I make mostly wise decisions, I try to think before I act, and I don’t purposely hate you. And although I don’t purposely hate you, I still do. So with further ado it’s not me it’s you.

I hate people that think it’s okay to show up to a movie ten minutes late. If you’re going to miss most of the exposition, wait for another showing, or just stay the fuck home. I hate sitting in the theater half way to the second act and have a family of four just decide to walk in and sit right next to me. It’s distracting, annoying, and I can’t understand the point of watching a movie if it’s going to take thirty minutes just to figure out what the fuck is going on. Then I have the privilege of hearing comments like this: “Why is he doing that?” “Who’s that guy?” “I don’t understand what’s going on.” Of course you don’t understand what’s going on, you missed the fucking set up bitch.

I hate people who go to movies that aren’t me. I hate the guy who uses his cell phone. I hate the usually Hispanic lady that decides the theater is her stomping ground to yell at the screen. I hate the seventeen year old who thinks he’s a movie buff, but spends less time watching the movie and more time making sure the friends that he brought are laughing at all the right spots. Actually I hate seventeen year-olds. I also hate people that like Tyler Perry.

I hate that nobody in the United States likes/watches soccer until the world cup. But as soon as it comes around all I hear is, “I’ve been a fan for years”, “Don’t you mean football/futbol?” No I mean soccer you bandwagoning piece of shit.

I hate people who golf.

I hate golf.

I hate hipsters. I don’t even know how to properly define a hipster. I hate that there are crowds of people that force me to find a definition for them. I feel sick to my stomach that half the fads and trendy bullshit I hate is mostly due to my generation. Why does every “hipster” wear flannel T-Shirts. Flannel’s all right, but everyday? Come on hipsters.

I hate people who wear square framed glasses, without prescription lenses, because they think it looks cool. When did being blind as shit ever become cool?

I hate people who wear sunglasses inside or at night. There’s no sun and everybody in the restaurant thinks you are a douche bag.

I hate the entire state of New Hampshire. Only because I’ve never met any one from New Hampshire. As far as I’m concerned New Hampshire is uninhabited territory.

(New Hampshire’s largest city is Manchester with roughly a hundred thousand people. Korea Town Los Angeles is roughly four miles with a population of a hundred and twenty thousand. I’m not saying you’re insignificant New Hampshire, you were one of the first colonies, but seriously, you’re pretty insignificant.)

I hate people who claim they’re vegan. I don’t care what the reason is. I really don’t. Human beings are meant to eat meat. I’ll torture a cow myself if that’s what it takes to put a steak on my plate later. Which brings me to the point of vegetarians. Yeah, the improper handling of livestock is a big issue, but YOU not eating meat WILL NOT stop it, or mean anything to anyone.

"But I do it for me." Well you're stupid and missing out on Veal.

I hate people who put salt in their water. Drink Gatorade if you want electrolytes. The best part about water is that it’s water. Water is already healthy. Leave it alone you weird fucking health Nazis.

I hate stiflin’ mothafuckas.

I hate the New York Yankees and everything that they stand for.

I hate anyone who says the word “hella”, and I hate Northern California for trying to claim fame on inventing it. Why are you impressed with yourselves? Oh and guess what Bay area? Hyphy music sucks.

I hate Los Angeles sports fans. You don’t watch the games unless you have tickets. You don’t keep up with any other team beside your own. When someone tries to have an intelligent conversation about an upcoming game all someone from Los Angeles can say is “KOBE BRYANT WILL ROCK YOU”. Thanks for the input idiot. Can I watch the game now?

I hate everyone that goes “clubbing” on a weekend basis. First of all, Techno music sucks, most rap music in the past few years has sucked, dancing sucks, having scandally clad females that want nothing to do but turn you down every five minutes sucks. People that go to the club- Just. Simply. Suck. Not to mention it’s crowded.

I hate mostly everyone under the age of sixty that takes pride in their record collection.

I hate that people don’t hate what I hate. If they did world peace wouldn’t be far off. But if I can make them hate what I hate... No not going there. I hate Hitler too.

7 comments:

  1. Northern California did invent the word hella and its a part of everyones speech if you are from there. But I do agree with you Hyphy music does suck.

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  2. This was amazing.

    Most of all I hate people who tell me I shouldn't 'hate';
    'you merely dislike it, hate is such a strong word!' Fuck off.

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  3. Wow.. I feel so enveloped in hate! Amazing!
    -TheFreshman

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  4. Woah Woah Woah! New Hampshire right now is insignificant but it has a history of badassery! In the 1800s, one of the towns on the border between New Hampshire and Canada attempted to secede from the United States for their own personal reasons and become their own country. Yet, because there was a major traveling route from Canada to NH through this town, both national armies from the US and Canada surrounded the town and a mini-war was fought between a tiny farm town these two armies.

    Adultery is illegal and has been since we were a state. When the NH government had the option to get rid of that, they chose not to.

    You can still be hung if you receive the death sentence.

    And in our constitution, it says that if we are unhappy with the NH government, we are allowed to rally and riot, gather up a large crowd, over-throw the government, and set up a brand new one that suits our favor.


    So...NH isn't insignificant. We also produced the worst president in American history, Franklin Pierce...who was a heavy drunk due to depression after loosing his family to a freak train accident in which he was the only survivor, right on the day he was suppose to be sworn into office.

    My AP Gov teacher is obsessed with New Hampshire, so I picked up these facts in his class.

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  5. Haha you are funny :p Sorry, I don't think I can hate you xD

    Feel free to hate on me tho ;)

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  6. Thebiigkx3, I will never underestimate New Hampshire again.

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